This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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