ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
