There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
