We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize