She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
