I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize