Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
