I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
