you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
