trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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