Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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