remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
