found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
