Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
