there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
