One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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