my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
why does every cop we meet know your name?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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