hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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