i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
