thus making me awesome and them whores
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
