Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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