I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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