VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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