the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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