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What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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