Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
