Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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