My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
