How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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