so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
