He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
