brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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