I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
