Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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