honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
