new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Operation Purity has been aborted
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
