woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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