i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
