How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
