My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize