I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
