literally had 100 drinks last night.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
