Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
