I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We talked him into tasing himself.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
