why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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