i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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