Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize