My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
