oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
