why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
