At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
