Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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