How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
