I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize