just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
