you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You're a waste of cheezeits
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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