I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
