so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
