I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
