I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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