dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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