No stitches, just platelets and will power
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
