Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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