im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
