I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
