i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
