Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
