After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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