I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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