omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
this is an emotional support booty call
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
