Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
