She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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