i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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