So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
