It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
