Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
