when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize