ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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