I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
