Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
