Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize