New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
