Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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