ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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