im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
