yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
