If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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