he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
