I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
