So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
