Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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